lying in bed trying to decide whether or not the old "don't raise the body temperature by exercising - makes for a better germ breeding ground!" is a fallacy or not. per usual, i am a hotbed of infestation (shock) because my immune system is still not up to par. one of the california cousins brought this sweet little present of a standard headcold - i am pretty sure it, like all "useful" gifts, emerged from my stocking on christmas morning when i almost simultaneously sneezed and threw up. oops.

ahh yes, christmas. my holiday season officially began when anne had a temper tantrum on christmas eve and flung a full stick of pepperoni at the back of my head. the velocity and effect would've had schilling & co. slapping my mom on the ass - the offending flying cold cut caused me to do an emergency "grab wall!" and hang on. the rest of the holiday can be summed up by the following on christmas morning:

lights up. dibona family sitting on the couch, unwrapping christmas stocking presents, drinking hot chocolate. the muppet christmas album provides a soundtrack. dogs are happily chomping away on new rawhide bones. alannah holds a small, flat present.

anne: now sweetie, you're going to need lots of things for your apartment that you haven't even thought of. we tried to get you started.

alannah: (looks at package) thanks! is it a bed? a couch? perhaps a kitchen table?

kev: don't be an asshole on christmas.

(opens present, finds a small silver and copper spatula and barbecue-style fork)

alannah: hey, thanks! um...well, they're really pretty, i'll enjoy them while i'm making scrambled eggs?

anne: NO! they're for serving hors d'oeuvres! you can't really USE them or you'll ruin them!

alannah: (holds up the fork) so what's this? i guess we'll have a grill?

kev: if your guests won't leave, you stab them in the testicle with the fork.


oh. right, of course. how silly of me not to pick up on that right off the bat. sing on, muppets.